I remember I was 20 years old when I started preaching in youth camps and began to witness how God shapes me into a ministry.
It was 8 years ago, but I can still imagine how my feeling was at that time. I’m an introvert person. Standing in front of the crowd, speak something while people watching isn’t my cup of tea. I was shaking, my voice was trembling, but if you have a look at my photographs below, see how I enjoyed speaking for young people. Even though I struggled within myself, I enjoyed the time when I deliver God’s word for them. Yes, God puts this calling and helps me to overcome my weaknesses. My journey to witnessing His’ works began on that day.
“Why am I here? Is it necessary for me to be here?” My heart once was troubled. “Am I in the right place to do what He calls me to do?”
Fillia
June 2015
God-given calling planted in my heart. I carry it wherever I may go. Share Jesus to the youth is one of what I’m passionate about. Nothing change. The things that have changed are the situations, circumstances, and challenges around me. Yes, they are always changing, aren’t they?
My work was easier when I stayed in Jakarta, or when I was a student at Mission School in the Philippines. People around me were those who shared a vision in serving the Lord and to reach others with the Gospel. Those who can encourage me when I feel weak. Those who can rebuke me when I did something wrong.
Nowadays, I’m far away from them. I look around and I feel I’m all alone. I’m living in an unfamiliar land, and I’ve been doing, exactly, the very different things in this place. Sharing life with special needs people. Supporting them in daily routines and works. Inside the house and at the workplace–different from my previous ministry!
While doing my voluntary work here, I’m holding the calling tight. And recently, I’m afraid if my calling gets blurred.
‘Why am I here? Is it necessary?’ My heart once was troubled. “Am I in the right place to do His calling?” Myself was doubting if it’s the right place for me to do His will.
Sometimes, we can’t straight away get ‘yes’ or ‘no’ for the question we threw to heaven. But I could learn the lesson, when we pursue God’s heart, we will surely gain more faith in Him. And faith helps me to see my circumstances in a better way. Here is what faith says to me…
You are serving God who provides. He calls and equips. He enables me to carry out the vision.
As I started working in this place, I started to consider to study Music Therapy as one of my next steps. And I started thinking of funding. When I was struggling with this, God sent me a generous lady who wants to help me financially. I have not met this lady in person yet. Apart from her name ‘Anna’, the only thing I have heard about her is that she gives funding and scholarship for some students. Is it for real, God? Yes, it is. The money is already in hand. I just need to prepare myself to enter university next year. Yes, God provides!!
Another evident of His provision in this place is my good friend who sponsors me with instruments. Since I met him over six months ago, I’ve been so blessed. A couple of weeks ago, I had my weekend off and I visited him in London. He took me to Yamaha Music London and bought me instruments.
These are two of the evidence of His provision. To be honest I have no clue why He brought me here and let me do exactly the very different ministry as I used to do. But I’ve been witnessing His providence during my work here, and it should help me walk more in confidence. Yes, I’m in the right place. I’m stepping in faith to carry out the vision, knowing that God will remain faithful. He calls, enables, provides, and equips!
